


The Tragic Reinvention of Severus Snape

by Laurenjames



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-11
Updated: 2010-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:03:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21761317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurenjames/pseuds/Laurenjames
Summary: Written in 2010 (age 17) for the prompt 'queer eye for the straight guy comes to Hogwarts'.





	The Tragic Reinvention of Severus Snape

"Thanks for those tips on keeping your buns tight, George! And now, what you've all been waiting for! The minute I saw the depressing sight that this man forced upon the world, I knew I had to intervene for his own good. And if I do say so myself, it's one of my best achievements to date. Would you put your hands together for..... the new and improved, simply stunning, Professor Severus Snape!"

The makeover victim sullenly slouched onto the stage, looking like he'd happily kill his true love, or a doe, to be anywhere else.

The presenter ignored the killer stare Snape shot him and wolf whistled shrilly in the sudden silence.

The audience had stopped clapping, mouths agape as they took in the sight of the 'new and improved' Snape. His fake tanned face was contorted in a look of pain as he posed, golden locks flowing in a simulated wind behind him, a gem studded set of skintight robes glimmering in the stagelights. He looked like Gilderoy Lockhart on anti-depressants.

It has been hard getting the Professor to agree to this, and had definitely not, in any way, shape or form, involved an imperius charm. If anyone suggested otherwise then the Makeover Guru would weep piteously into his hands and then, after checking his make up hadn't run, get his lawyer onto you, as Professor McGonagall had found out. It had taken some diplomatic intervening and the strained promise of a date from Dumbledore to get everything sorted out. (And now we know why Dumbledore really asked Snape to kill him).

The Guru mistook the audience's horrorstruck silence for awe, and preened proudly. Circling Snape, he corrected an errant lock and pinched his cheek, cooing like an old aunt.

"So, how does if feel to be handsome for once, 'Sev'?"

And that's when Severus Snape punched him in the face.


End file.
